Thursday, September 22, 2011

the novel

Upon my return from Vancouver, I boasted openly about my adventures to anyone willing to listen or those just within earshot. On one such occasion, I was offered an offhand comment suggesting I should write a book. All I intended to do was blog about my trip. I've uploaded pictures to facebook and tried to find the right time to start writing, but it hasn't felt right. I've made a few attempts, once on the road where I left out many details due to exhaustion and once since I've been back which only got so far as day two.

I haven't written anything in over two years and I'd been slowly losing my ability long before that. If I had only written down the original paragraph I had to dumb down for Spanish to actually write the damn thing...I can't recall the words, or even the topic, but I remember it would've been beautifully written in English. Spanish; not so much. And during this conversion, I lost the ability I'd perfected over the years...and never once tried to get it back.

For school papers, I'd attempt a well-written essay but the structure wouldn't be right and I'd get frustrated with myself and instead take a solid foundation and ramble on in what I hoped was the point and be done with it. Apparently it worked, because no matter how awful I thought it was, all my English teachers approved so I didn't bother to fix it. This way was a lot less time-consuming and seemed to work well. Just because it worked, didn't mean it was working. The only paper I've actually been proud of was one a wrote my first year in college...and I really haven't written anything since.

That was three years ago. I think that's long enough.

Sooo...I'll choose pics for my scrapbook, document the events of each day as well as I can remember them and fit that in to a story with plot and fake names...

Friday, September 9, 2011

HOME

It's been almost a week now and I haven't uploaded any photos or posted anything about the trip. Well, that's because I've been sleeping almost 12hrs a day and dealing with that speeding ticket, a negative balance on my bank account and finding no hours scheduled for me at work.

Tuesday I wrote a check to Washington and sent it out from the post office, added $100 to my back account from my parents and stopped by work to see if Kim was in (she wasn't, so I just wrote on the calendar that I was back)

Thursday I unpacked the car, added another $200 to my account and discovered I had no hours at work for the next week. I now have hours that other people didn't want. I can't afford to be picky right now, especially when I owe my parents $340 right now and kinda wanna go to VanCon next year...

Speaking of the future, here are some of my new goals:
VanCon'12
finish Massasoit
go to Africa
go away to college

I'd get into it moe, but I have to work in a few hours and really don't have the time right now.

Sunday.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

what issues!?

Apparently all it takes for me to do something completely against my nature is to get my favorite men in a room and pout me between them...as close as they could get.

OMG IT WAS AMAZING! It only lasted a few seconds but SERIOUSLY: best few seconds of my life!

Misha was gorgeous and Jensen been hot all day...put them together and it's my own personal Heaven. Put myself between them and its ecstasy.

I was planning on just having a regular photo-op with me between them, my arms around them and one of theirs around me, but people in front of me were hugging Jensen with Misha at their back. I'd thought about it with Misha and Seb...honestly hadn't crossed my mind with Jared and Jensen, but with THEM!

No other option. I had to be done.

Jensen's shirt was VERY silky...on my cheek. Misha put a hand on my shoulder and I'm pretty sure his leg was tight against mine...I know I felt pressure back there and as dirty as my mind gets, I'm sticking to leg; unless nip/tuck held more truth than we know...

Holding Jensen and Misha holding me...my ultimate Dean/Cas fantasy right there...and it happened...instinctually. Honestly, I don't know what came over me, but I knew what I wanted and went for it. Thinking on it, that is exactly how I'd always imagined it. Never, EVER going to forget this moment! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

breakfast & photo-ops

I wrote this earlier, but my computer wasn’t working well. It overheated last ngiht and takes a while to turn on again, so I’ll post this now.

Oh right, the breakfast! Didn' write that out earlier, so just to keep things in order I'll do it now:


Is it bad that In only remembered because I can't stop thinking about Craig Ferguson?

Anyway, for not being near the stage and having a table number of 32, the seats were actually pretty perfect. I was in the back and able to stand up for photos and the stage was directly in front of me!

Jensen was beautiful and Jared had a beanie - underneath, his hair was a mess. He was also sweating like crazy because apparently he does that in the morning after a shower and Jensen has to deal with it.

OF COURSE I had just watched Wednesday's episode of The Late Late Show where Craig Ferguson only had his new hairstyle for two days because he discovered that using gel means taking a shower every morning. Before his new look, his shower was only "armpit, armpit, junk, bum". Hearing him say that caught me completely off guard and had my laughing my ass off for..well, it's still going on obviously, lmao!

Anyway, I took a lot of pictures and listened to everything they said, but I couldn't tell ya what or when...I'm sure there'll be videos up in no time.

During the photo-ops, I had enough time to jot down everything that happened between sets.
Jensen Ackles:
K - Hi
J - Hi
K - Can I have a hug?
J - Sure

This is just enough of  a conversation with him for me to die happy! He’s so beautiful and I love his voice…especially directed at me! His shirt was silky and OMG just to touch him.

This brings to question, why was I so okay with meeting JENSEN ACKLES and having met Misha 8 times and counting, I freeze up all weekend!?

Well, one explanation is having met Misha 8 times I’m starting to feel a a little stalker-ish. I mean, I am, but it’s more fun when only I know it; once they know, it gets awkward and  feel weird, even though it’s most likely one-sided. But I respect Misha too much to have him think of me like that, even in brief meetings. The boat was great! Perfect! But photo-ops and autographs is a little much I guess, even though I had my camera pointed at him throughout the entire cruise.

Meeting Jensen was easy since I never had before. &lt;3 Plus, he’s really laid back and reserved…nothing like Misha at cons.

Jared &amp; Jensen:
Took one pic between the two of them, Cliff came over to talk to Jared so I got Jensen to myself for a sec, then I had them both wrapped around me in a really tight hug that I cold still feel even back at the auditorium.

Jared’s awesome and Jensen’s hot!

Oh, and Jared put his face right next to mine to hear me better.

Jared:
My first point was proven by this encounter. He said hi and I asked for a hug. Awkward…but we thanked each other and he called me sweetie.

First “babe” and now “sweetie”…jared is well on his way to becoming my favorite. Although Jensen is still hotter and Misha’s funny and sexier than them both…

cocktail party musings...

I know I'm drunk not only because I finished off my little bottle of Malibu and had a rum & coke at the party...but because this ache I've developed for Craig Ferguson and the embarrassment/self hatred/all things involving Misha tonight have disappeared.

I think the problem was I've been sober for too long. I think much clearer when under the influence, about Supernatural anyway...and that's only half the time, but still, it happens. And it did tonight. I might've been driving myself crazy about all this but Misha doesn't care! I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just what I was unable to say is only affecting me, he doesn't have a clue and meets so many people, chances are he doesn't even remember me.

My previous rant was just a major overreaction I'm sorry you had to read (if you chose to continue when I told you to stop) and me going too long without a serious amount of liquor. When I get home, I'm having a Captain Jack...might even spring for True Blood and vodka (only way to drink it - and man is it strong!)

Anyway, I'm much calmer now and definitely more myself. I guess these two girls with Silver passes got in to the Gold dessert party by sucking up to Russ Hamilton. My companions for the night said it was a lap dance and lack of underwear, and this really pissed them off. I get it, we spent the money and they didn't but if these girls can find a way in, more power to them! I didn't get in a huff, and thought a little less of them for ding so cuz it's really no big deal. We're all here to have fun and I guess I kinda forgot that...

SO, the cocktail party was a bit of a let down but at least I wasn';t sitting alone. This woman I met in our Gold row recognized me and I asked if I could sit with her. They all reminded me of Lianne, so I felt right at home, AND they took the attention off me...which was okay for a while until Misha came around and they all talked to him and I said nothing - again reminding me of Lianne and why we spend so little time together anymore but I really just need to up my game because I honestly need her in my life more than I usually let on...

Everyone visited every table for the few minutes allowed. Apparently it was better previous years, but I'll take what I can get. Seb sat next to me and I was one of the first in the group hug he initiated before continuing on to other tables. It was fun seeing Russ again since I missed him this morning. Steven Williams sat next to me as well, and put his arm around the back of my chair the one on his other side in farewell.

...my GAWD I write better drunk, too!

Anyway, I'm finishing up an episode of Craig Ferguson I started before the party and going to bed. Jared and Jensen tomorrow, and I have to get up extra early to deal with the headache I know I'll be suffering through all day... Whenever I pictured meeting them, hungover was never an option. Oh well.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

day 2

Okay, let's start with the best part of the day: I got to sleep 'til 10! I wanted to see Russ Hamilton at 10:25, but I was a tad hungover with a pretty intense headache. Tylenol was involved. Along with Mountain Dew and Cheerios. Thankfully, I was well enough by Dick and Matt's panel and did my photo-op with Matt and autograph with Richard.

I had about an hour to kill, so I came back to the room and recapped the events leading up to today while a maid cleaned my room. After that, I'm pretty sure I was outta the room for the longest time yet beginning with Sebastian Roche. He was AMAZING! ...pretty much an English Craig Ferguson only hornier. I actually like him better than his character, lol.

Misha came on as he always does, through a question to the guest before him, lmao. But Seb didn't leave easily; he through Misha's "Big D*ck" at him, then Misha pretended to make out with Seb and they were spanking each other. When Seb did leave, he came right back bumped Misha bodily...he was understandably a little distracted for the first few minutes knowing Seb was back there and expecting him to do something at any minute.

The panel was fun, Misha was beautiful and I found the perfect setting on my camera early on in his panel (now I'll be ready for the boys tomorrow! =)

After that was the pictures. They took forever and my day hit a few bumps that lead to my current buzzed-headed-for-drunk state.

The pic with Matt was fine, mostly because it's just a souvenir, something not as important as all the others. Misha...even though I've taken three other photos with him, spent an entire weekend in New Jersey with him, one day in Boston and 3hrs on a boat just the night before...I still managed to freak out.

They checked our tickets in the hall and then wanted to take them in the room. I didn't know I'd need it again and I couldn't find it in my bag...by the time I did, I was already flustered, then the people in front of me didn't leave immediately and the photographer waved  me on anyway, so I got even more frazzled.

I was gonna ask Misha for a hug because I HATE frontal shots, but I didn't. I froze up and I know the picture is hell. I debated getting another one, thought he might think it weird to see me again, went over what I might say: none of it funny or ironic, just facts and BORING and all the things I hate myself for. I'm not witty and he's the most beautiful man I've ever met.

I eventually did buy another one (I'll be spending at least one night in the back of my car now...) and got the hug I wanted.

Then I took a picture with him and Sebastian and that felt weird, idk why...I was in a weird place. The pic with Seb was easy, but so is he, lol.

One day, I'll come back and be crazy but for now...I'm me.

I then had my photo-op with Richard and that was easy, too. I didn't even ask for a hug, it just kinda happened. maybe it's the height all these other guys have on me, Richard's my height and really stands out with the rest of them...

I came back to the room to pee and drop off my camera before hitting the ballroom for autographs. I used my Gold seat to get outta there faster, but maybe I should've sat a bit longer...might've actually had a conversation with Misha that way, or froze up even more.


I wanted to thank him for the amazing night and tell him it was a really nice surprise and maybe bring up Boston from our conversation...

Instead, when he asked me what was going on I said "not much", then got an autograph for one of my friends.

I also got my Gold ticket signed, which was the whole purpose of the signing for me anyway, lol.

I felt really good about the personalized autograph, even though her name was spelled wrong. Seb spelled my name two different ways and neither were right...

Turn back now, really this is pathetic and I didn't wanna get drunk this weekend but that's where this is headed...

I might be talking light of it now, but my behavior really annoys the hell outta me. I was SET on saying what I wanted, then I didn't...I fell back on my usual response to anybody who happens to ask when Misha matters more than almost anybody to me! I'm so set in my defenses that when I wanna actually make a connection with someone, I can't because its too foreign to me and I just stick to what I know.

So, I had a few swigs outta my little Malibu bottle and hit the street for Denny's mozzarella sicks to lessen the chance of a major hangover tomorrow and allow myself to drink more at the party tonight.

I've been back for about an hour, the sticks were cold and the bottle almost gone. I'm thinking some chips, Oreos with peanut butter and finish off the bottle and I'll be good to go. =)

Of course now I kinda wish I hadn't had all that rum, but what's done is done and I should probly drink that thought right outta my head which shouldn't take long. I've been driving for about a week straight and must've lost some of my tolerance for Malibu to get me even the slightest bit drunk...

Hopefully I do better with the boys tomorrow...

day 1

I know it's outta order, but I had to document Misha's Cruise when it was still fresh in my mind since I'd been drinking and it was probly the most amazing experience of my life. <3

Anyway, I stayed up for The Late Late Show and slept way too late. I didn't even hear my first alarm. I figured it was no big deal, only missed Alona Tal and Chad Lindberg but I'd seen Alona in New Jersey and Chad goes to a lot of them so chances are I'd see him again.

I did manage to make it to Richard Speight's panel - sans camera XO...and leave my Cruise ticket there. I was in line for an autograph with Richard and as I was getting my ticket out realized that Misha's wasn't there. I checked my room first since it was closer, then ran back to the auditorium knowing it wouldn't be there but still hoping it was.

It was.

Also, it's a good thing Richard wasn't leaving and there was another chance at an autograph and photo-op today.

So, having missed Richard, I figured I'd go back to the liquor store that had been closed the day before. I got on the elevator before realizing it's direction and when my fellow occupant asked if I was going down, I only loked at him outta the corner of my eye as I would anyone else but had to do a double take.

It was Chad Lindberg.

So I said hi, he asked my name, shook my hand and introduced himself, then he even hit the Lobby button for me on his way out (21st floor ;-).

I smiled the entire way to the liquor store, called Michela because this was bigger than a text but her phone was off. So I texted everybody anyway and called home because texting just wasn't enough. Thsis was HUGE!

I got my small bottle of Malibu to help calm me down to actually talk to Misha a little bit later, then came back to the room to figure out what to wear. I now have my outfits planned for the next two days. =)

That took a little longer than I thought and I didn't have time to eat anything before getting on the bus. So, I took a shot anyway and hoped for the best. It hit me pretty hard at first, but rum isn't all that strong unless it's 100 proof Captain Morgan's mixed with Jack Daniels. Now THAT'S a drink.

But I kinda wanna remember this weekend from more than just blogs, so I'm taking it easy. Plus, I wouldn't be able to finish it off before crossing the border and being stopped once is enough, thank you.

The Malibu started wearing off pretty quick and the Cruise was great, Misha was awesome, made it fun for everybody and we all had an amazing time.