I know I'm drunk not only because I finished off my little bottle of Malibu and had a rum & coke at the party...but because this ache I've developed for Craig Ferguson and the embarrassment/self hatred/all things involving Misha tonight have disappeared.
I think the problem was I've been sober for too long. I think much clearer when under the influence, about Supernatural anyway...and that's only half the time, but still, it happens. And it did tonight. I might've been driving myself crazy about all this but Misha doesn't care! I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just what I was unable to say is only affecting me, he doesn't have a clue and meets so many people, chances are he doesn't even remember me.
My previous rant was just a major overreaction I'm sorry you had to read (if you chose to continue when I told you to stop) and me going too long without a serious amount of liquor. When I get home, I'm having a Captain Jack...might even spring for True Blood and vodka (only way to drink it - and man is it strong!)
Anyway, I'm much calmer now and definitely more myself. I guess these two girls with Silver passes got in to the Gold dessert party by sucking up to Russ Hamilton. My companions for the night said it was a lap dance and lack of underwear, and this really pissed them off. I get it, we spent the money and they didn't but if these girls can find a way in, more power to them! I didn't get in a huff, and thought a little less of them for ding so cuz it's really no big deal. We're all here to have fun and I guess I kinda forgot that...
SO, the cocktail party was a bit of a let down but at least I wasn';t sitting alone. This woman I met in our Gold row recognized me and I asked if I could sit with her. They all reminded me of Lianne, so I felt right at home, AND they took the attention off me...which was okay for a while until Misha came around and they all talked to him and I said nothing - again reminding me of Lianne and why we spend so little time together anymore but I really just need to up my game because I honestly need her in my life more than I usually let on...
Everyone visited every table for the few minutes allowed. Apparently it was better previous years, but I'll take what I can get. Seb sat next to me and I was one of the first in the group hug he initiated before continuing on to other tables. It was fun seeing Russ again since I missed him this morning. Steven Williams sat next to me as well, and put his arm around the back of my chair the one on his other side in farewell.
...my GAWD I write better drunk, too!
Anyway, I'm finishing up an episode of Craig Ferguson I started before the party and going to bed. Jared and Jensen tomorrow, and I have to get up extra early to deal with the headache I know I'll be suffering through all day... Whenever I pictured meeting them, hungover was never an option. Oh well.
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